All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
