he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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