SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
