Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
