my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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