someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
