Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
