how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
