So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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