It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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