your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize