I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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