i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
