The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
