I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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