He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i think my cat just said my name.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That's how pantless uber rides happen
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
