Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
