They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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