Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
