yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
