nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is classic penis vs brain.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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