this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
