It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
