I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
