Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
