The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
