So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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