Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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