Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Randomize
