She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize