Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
