and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
