id be glad to
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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