those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
