So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
