The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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