I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
