i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
