Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
