Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
