Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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