the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize