I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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