So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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