He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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