everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
