I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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