The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm at about main and main street
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
