I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
