We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
