This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
