So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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