I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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