What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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