We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We are two peas in an std pod
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize