Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
