It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
