Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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