Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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