508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
