no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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