my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
