my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
