her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
