I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
