How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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