enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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