Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize