So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
