this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
