I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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