is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
no, he came in my armpit
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize